Seize the Power: Playlist Analysis
Playlist Analysis
Prologue
Inside the Fire – Disturbed
(The Darkyra Deity’s POV) (My Analysis is within parentheses)
Oh Devon
Won't go to Heaven
She's just another lost soul, about to be mine again
(The Deity referring to Adriana)
Devon lies beyond this portal
Take the word of one immortal
Give your soul to me
For eternity
Release your life
To begin another time with her
End your grief with me
There's another way
Release your life
Take your place inside the fire with her
(The Deity is speaking to Sebastian, promising an end to grief if he gives over to his shadow.)
Prologue
Redeemer – Palaye Royale
(Sebastian’s POV)
Can't you see
That everyone is dying?
The animals are crying
Religions are dividing
As my family keeps on fighting
As my family keeps
(I imagine the years after Adriana disappeared Sebastian is just walking around in a daze. Everywhere he looks there is death.)
Now I'm caught in something
My eternal suffering
Looking for the meaning of it all
But I got nothing
This internal sadness now I fade the blackness
Don't know where I go when I die
Must be better than this
And I'm here
Just waiting for you to come home
And I'm screaming all on my own
With the revolver and a note
Will you please pick up the phone?
And I'm waiting for you to come home
And I'm screaming all on my own
With the revolver and a note
Will you please come back home?
Ain't it sad when you got nowhere to go?
Got no place to call your home
Burden to everyone you know
(Omph. That last line especially.)
Chapter One
The Devil Within – Digital Daggers
I'll keep quiet
You won't even know I'm here
You won't suspect a thing
You won't see me in the mirror
But I crept into your heart
You can't make me disappear
'Til I make you
(The Deity/society/the patriarchy is saying this. In the story the Deity represents this. The Deity’s big thing is that they “made” Amaya. They “made” Sebastian. They gave them their power.)
Won't see me closing in
I'm gonna make you suffer
This hell you put me in
I'm underneath your skin
The devil within
You'll never know what hit you
I'll be here
When you think you're all alone
Seeping through the cracks
I'm the poison in your bones
My love is your disease
I won't let it set you free
'Til I break you
(Our oppressors don’t want us to recognize our strength, our ability to decide what we want to think. It’s the little insidious things that seep into our brain and become a mantra that we never would have willingly consented to believe.)
Chapter Two
Something I Could Never Have – Flyleaf
You always were the one to show me how
Back then I couldn't do the things that I can do now
This thing is slowly taking me apart
Grey would be the color if I had a heart
(Heavy foreshadowing – I imagine this is Amaya to Sebastian. He was the one to show her that she was strong. Before the prison, she couldn’t do the things that she could do now. “Grey would be the color if I had a heart”: this is Amaya’s journey to power. She isn’t good or bad. None of us are.)
And everywhere I look you're all I see
Just a fading reminder of who I use to be
Chapter Three
The Beast Inside – My Enemies & I
(Chapter 3 & 5)
The constant chatter
Filling my thoughts with hate
All reassuring me
It's just too late
Nothing but black and gray
Never any other shade
Disarray
Nothing left to contemplate
No escape
Nothing can satisfy
The appetite
Of the beast inside
Nothing's going to save your life
You can't run this time
I used to have a name
But I can't even
Remember the first letter
Visions defiantly
Always mouth it to me
Silently
Parodies
Clouding up your memory
Give into me
Waves of static
Nerves
Fear and panic
As quickly as they came
They vanish
Nothing but black and gray
Every single fucking day
(Sebastian’s POV: all of his life--but especially now being held in the prison--he’s dealt with the “beast inside” his whole life, and now, it’s the only part of him that is wholly there.)
Chapter Four
Arsonist’s Lullabye – Hozier
When I was a child, I heard voices
Some would sing and some would scream
You soon find you have few choices
I learned the voices died with me
When I was a child, I'd sit for hours
Staring into open flame
Something in it had a power
Could barely tear my eyes away
(We all have voices within us encouraging us one way or another.)
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep 'em on a leash
When I was 16, my senses fooled me
Thought gasoline was on my clothes
I knew that something would always rule me
I knew the scent was mine alone
All you have is your fire
And the place you need to reach
Don't you ever tame your demons
But always keep 'em on a leash
(We don’t need to kill our dark sides/our shadows/our darkness, we just need to keep them in check. Amaya’s shadow power comes in handy when she needs to kill and protect, but she has agency to choose when to listen to that voice.)
When I was a man I thought it ended
When I knew love's perfect ache
But my peace has always depended
On all the ashes in my wake
Chapter Five
The Beast Inside – My Enemies & I
Disarray
Nothing left to contemplate
No escape
Nothing can satisfy
The appetite
Of the beast inside
Nothing's going to save your life
You can't run this time
(In Chapter 3, Sebastian’s antagonist is his own shadow, but in Chapter 5, the antagonist is Kai.)
(See Chapter 3 Video)
Chapter Six
Dark Void – Asking Alexandria
(Chapter 6 & Chapter 28)
This nightmare that's taking every part of me
If you scratch under the surface, try to find a purpose
I wonder what the dead would find
Trapped inside the prison of my mind, and I'm
Sick of messing up, up, but forget it now
Every time I try to stop, stop I fall apart
Lost deep down, I'm searching for a glimpse of hope
I'm sick of messing up, up but forget it now
Believe in me, and set me free
I'll drag these memories through the dark void
Just let me be, my savior, please
Help me crawl out the darkness
(Amaya remembering Sloane and Gwen is what sets her free. Sloane and Gwen always believe in Amaya’s strength and power. They always knew she was capable. And remembering them, thinking she needs to get out to protect them – that’s what gives her the strength to fight and remember who she really is.)
Call You Out – Flyleaf
How can you act like you know
When all you know is to lie?
Another truth to expose
Freedom will catch up and rise
We find this truth
We fight, you lose
Your time's up now
That's enough now
Shut up, get out
Truth called you out
I know this language of yours
I used to speak it so well
(Such an angry song, such a powerful song.)
Chapter Seven
Love Me Harder - Steven Rodriguez
I can't keep from sweating
I need my obsession
Fixing for a drug
I can't tame
It's bad that I want you
But seems I can't undo
The damage you've done to my brain
(Honestly, this song just FELT like Nico, like the slight twang in it?)
Chapter Eight
She's A Gun - The Greeting Committee
My baby has got a gun
I'm afraid of her love
My baby has got a gun
I'm in love
She's gonna kill me
She’s got a gun inside her chest and I gotta feeling
That I'm gonna get it bad, gonna get it bad
(no analysis necessary LOL)
Chapter Nine
Things that Make You Scream – Memory of a Melody
I have a motive, a focus
I won't repent for regret as I choke you to death
And my choice is
These voices
Won't get out of my head
As you panic you're breathing harder, on me
Now do you perceive and believe you're becoming my victim
So listen
You're screaming so loud that I can't even hear myself think
Come in close, my grip it holds you
Feel the rush of my boiling veins
Impact of the energy growing
React to you enemy slowing
Pushing forward to the things that make you scream
Locked in this cell, awaiting my hell
I feel it rushing into my veins
Impact of the energy growing
React to you enemy slowing
Pushing forward to the things that make you scream
Impact of the energy growing
React to your enemy slowing
Pushing forward to the things that make scream
The things that make you scream
The things that make you scream
(Amaya's thought process as she's running through the prison killing guards)
Chapter Ten
KILL4ME – Marilyn Manson
Let's grab a gold switch blade
And make us a blood pact, babe
To love and to fuck and to only see ourselves
And remember this
Your hotel hall won't be so vacant
And I can tell that you ain't faking
Because I take death threats
Like the best of them
Would you kill, kill, kill for me?
I love you enough to ask you again
Would you kill, kill, kill for me?
You won't be kissing me unless you kill for me
Kill, kill, kill for me
The last few paragraphs of this chapter play out like a movie in my head. Here is the screen play:
His hand came to cup my jaw and pulled me back from the memories. “Shall we find ourselves an exit?” he asked. (*starts playing KILL4ME by Marilyn Manson*)
I sighed and tilted my head into his hand.
He was healed. We were safe.
And…I had a dagger.
This would be our only chance, my shadow taunted.
I bit my bottom lip. “There’s something I want to get before we leave,” I said, staring into Sebastian’s void eyes which were locked on my mouth.
“What’s that?” he asked, maybe a little distracted.
“Revenge.”
His gaze darted back to mine. The corners of his eyes crinkled as a slow smile spread across his face.
(*the song continues playing through the montage of Sebastian & Amaya killing guards*)
Chapter Eleven
Partners in Crime (feat. Ash Costello) – Set it Off
You'll never takes us alive
We swore that death will do us part
They'll call our crimes a work of art
You'll never takes us alive
We'll live like spoiled royalty, lovers and partners
Partners in crime
(this is a montage of the prison torture scene too)
Deity – Valeree
Honey, you look lost
And I ain’t never really been religious
But I heard finding a God
Just might help when someone’s starting to feel helpless
(Sebastian—Shadow Bash—keeps slipping into guilt and regret and is having trouble getting past that… He’s lost. So Amaya has to take control. I love writing BDSM because I love exploring power dynamics, and I knew in this book, all about Amaya seizing power, that she’d be a little femme domme in this one.)
I don’t know much ‘bout buddhists, Jews, or Christians
But I got something I think you could worship
I’ll be your deity, fall to your knees
Oh, honey, pray to me, between the sheets
Get down and start to confess
Come into the church between my legs
And I’ll set you free
(the ultimate femme domme anthem. Amaya sees that Sebastian is lost in his head. Well…she’s got a plan for helping him out.)
Chapter Twelve
I Own You – Shinedown
(this is one of those songs that I heard in seventh grade and always made up stories around in my head. In some ways, I think the ideas in this book have been percolating in my brain all my life.)
(This is Kai’s POV)
All those feelings wrapped around you
Hold you down so you can't break through
It's a trap, so don't ask, it's a shadow on
Your back, it don't burn, it don't bleed
Still it cuts you at the knee
All this pressure that surrounds you
Holds you down but you know you gotta break through
Hey, c'est la vie
Remember me? I made you dressed and trained you
Hey, it's bitter-sweet
You can't kill me with kindness
I don't buy it
Strip down, show me flesh and bone (Strip down)
'Cause now I own you
(Kai made Sebastian & Amaya. Kai owns them)
Chapter Thirteen
hostage – Maggie Lindemann
(Bash’s POV- he just wants love *crying emoji*)
I'll shut it off, just let it go, I'm drowning it when it overflows
I get so low and lose all control
So hold me close, I overthink, my mind takes me over the brink
We built a home, don't let it sink
Hold me close when my voice gets shaky, be patient with me
Feelings flow, you bring me to safety, try to save me
These thoughts fill my mind, bring me down one more time
In my head, and it drives me crazy, I'm hostage, baby
Silence my thoughts, you reassure it's hard to believe what I've been told
You keep me warm, my mind was cold
When you're next to me and I take your hand, the fears let me go
When my mind feels lost, and you shelter me, oh, it sets me free
Chapter Fourteen
None
Chapter Fifteen
Seize the Power – YONAKA
(the namesake! I was going to stay with the same pattern, Ascend, Descend, and Transcend…BUT nothing sounded good with Transcend? So I left transcend in the blurb, but I like the third book falling out of the pattern because Ascend and Descend were Anxiety and Depression—dealing with negatives, while Seize is about inner strength which is taking control of a positive.)
Woke up this morning, I feel so fucking important
I looked in the mirror, I'm different, I finally made a decision
All the rejected that lost a lack of respect in
Themselves 'cause people get hectic
They hurt you and make you feel helpless
They're not brave like you, they're too scared to do
Anything that's different, anything that's new
I don't need lessons, I do what I want, it's refreshing
As soon as you taste independence, you start living life in the present
Hey there, how you been?
I'm that voice in your head, and I know you been aching
When you find me, let me in
I got power in my hands, and it's yours for the taking
(The voice in her head—her shadow—when you find me let me in, I got power and it's yours for the taking. It’s inside all of us, just waiting to be recognized)
King of the Damned – Palaye Royale
(Sebastian’s POV)
Was desperate and broken
I was prayin' and hopin', now I'm screamin' out (ahh)
Our sons and daughters won't be lambs for the slaughter
They're singin' out (ahh)
So open your eyes 'cause the damned have arrived
And I'm the king of the damned
(Sebastian’s shadow is the same as Amaya’s in that, that is where his strength lies)
Our names won't be forgotten
'Cause we'll scream 'em in your ear
We'll burn down your traditions
We don't wanna live in fear
I've been hidin' in the alleys
I've been beaten to a pulp
But I wiped the blood from off my face
And I'm still standing tall
Where we do go?
Where is our home?
Where do we go my love?
You know, my love
I can see, if you just follow me
You'll be the queen and I'll be
I'll be the king of the damned (ahh)
Chapter Sixteen
None
Chapter Seventeen
War of Hearts – Ruelle
I can't help but love you
Even though I try not to
I can't help but want you
I know that I'd die without you
Stay with me a little longer
I will wait for you
Shadows creep
And want grows stronger
Deeper than the truth (Amaya is confused and sad and hungry and tired and overwhelmed and lost, but she loves Sebastian, she can’t not love him)
Chapter Eighteen
None
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
SHE – Dreadlight
She'll take her aim
And change the game
And do it all alone
She'll break the glass
Clean up your act
She's gonna take the throne
Say that she's weaker
Say she's emotional
But don't try to take her
Cause you'll have to face us all
Remove her choice
Eclipse her voice
And she'll put you where you belong
She'll call you out
She'll carve the route
A revolution at her call
She sees the future
She knows how this plays out
So don't try to stop her
You'll never break us down
Chapter Twenty-One
Ultraviolence – Memory of a Melody
That night he asked me to be part of the family
His words resonate, this is your destiny
Daddy, why did you choose me?
No, I can't make him bleed
Don't make me do that...
Do it like I showed you boy, seal your fate
Chapter Twenty-Two
Heaven, Home, Hell – Forever We Roam
(Bash & Amaya’s POV)
These days it seems like I’ve been going through the motions
Like every face I see is just a raindrop in the ocean
And every day’s a torrent, just another chance to drown
Uproot another flower now for my decaying crown
Or maybe I’m the flower, pulled from my stability
And you’re the solid ground that I’m so desperate to be
For everyone around me, but for now I am the flood
That pours into the forest ,pulling flowers from the mud
Locked in a crumbling prison cell
Trapped down the bottom of the deepest, darkest, blackest well
I can’t keep saying all is well
You are my broken home, my heaven in the midst of hell
Chapter Twenty-Three
None
Chapter Twenty-Four
Dig It – Bring Me The Horizon
(This song actually came out AFTER I had all of these chapters written, but as soon as I heard this song, I was like yep. Sebastian. Sebastian FOR SURE)
'Cause everyone's too scared to heal
They don't give a fuck how they feel
And I just don't know how to deal anymore
Maybe the damage is done
Maybe the darkness has won
And we were programmed just to suffer
I hate my fucking guts right now, hm
I'm sorry that I let you down, yeah
I hate my fucking guts right now
Reckon you'd be better if I never existed
Sorry that I let you down
Chapter Twenty-Five
Without You – Ursine Vulpine, Annaca
(Amaya’s POV—in this book she is coming into her own power and part of coming into your power is having the strength to stand and fight for the people you love. She’s made mistakes, she’s betrayed Sebastian, but she will destroy the world for him now. She isn’t afraid of her decisions, her feelings, and what she knows to be true. She isn’t afraid of her power. She’s going to use it to stand up for him. To fight for him, even when he’s pushing her away.)
I don't want the world to turn without you
And I don't want the sun to burn without you
Yeah, I don't want the world to turn without you
And I don't want the sun to burn without you
I don't wanna live a life without you
I will watch the world burn without you
Chapter Twenty-Six
You Asked For This – Halsey
Well, everybody's gonna drown you out
Go on and be a big girl
You asked for this now
You better show 'em why you talk so loud
(She wanted power. Now she has to deal with the consequences of her decisions. She has to prove--every single day--that she has the strength to continue to show up, to listen to her power, to not get exhausted by the pressure surrounding her.)
Chapter Twenty-Seven
None
Chapter Twenty-Eight
None
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Desire – Palaye Royale
(This EP came out, and I was like yep. I needed some soundtracks for my spice scenes. Perfection)
All I wanna do is make you melt
And I would crawl my way from out of hell
Just to feel your body on mine
And ride me until the end of time
I can see the look in your eyes
And I just wanna die between your thighs
Heaven knows I wanna love you
But I don't know if I can justify
My one desire
My one desire
My one desire
You set my world on fire
My one desire
Chapter Thirty
None
Chapter Thirty-One
None
Chapter Thirty-Two
King of Disappointment – Echos
(This was one of the first songs on my Seize the Power playlist.)
I get blood on my hands
When I'm thinking myself into trouble
'Til I'm stuck in a trance
Ripping things off these walls like a psychopath
And there's no looking back
'Cause I know that nobody can tame me
Don't get caught in my wrath, pleading
When your heart's on the floor
You can call me King of Disappointment
Welcome to my castle, everything's worthless
Please help yourself to whatever you want
Just get out while your soul's still clean
(Amaya is living in her power now. She has to get her hands dirty in order to protect Palagui. She has to do things she knows are “wrong.” Her castle, the walls she’s built around herself, they are worthless now. You can try to get out while your soul is still clean, but for Amaya it’s too late for that. She’s given into the darkness, which is “disappointing” to society at large since she’s not being morally/ethically good.”)
Chapter Thirty-Three
Bury Me Face Down – grandson
Been counted out, left for dead
Wanted with a bounty on my head
But somehow, someway, I'ma keep movin' along, along
Thinkin' that they've won
It's only just begun
When I go (When I go)
Into that ground (Into that ground)
I won't go quietly (Won't go quietly)
I'm bringin' my crown (Bringin' my crown) Been counted out, left for dead
Wanted with a bounty on my head
But somehow, someway, I'ma keep movin' along, along
Thinkin' that they've won
It's only just begun
When I go (When I go)
Into that ground (Into that ground)
I won't go quietly (Won't go quietly)
I'm bringin' my crown (Bringin' my crown)
Chapter Thirty-Four
WAR – Phix, Call Me Karizma
But I'll fight for every inch
I'd die before I quit, like, ooh-oh
It's a war
It's a war
Battle from my heart like, ooh-oh
It's me against the dark side, ooh-oh
Chapter Thirty-Five
Closer – Payale Royale
(the Nine inch nails song was excellent, but the rasp of Remington’s voice is just sooo sweet. Also, I mean, come on. Payale Royale is the unofficial band of the Dark Perceptions series)
You can have my isolation
You can have the hate that it brings
You can have my absence of faith
You can have my everything
You tear down my reason
(Help me) it's your sex I can smell
(Help me) you make me perfect
Help me become somebody else
(Sebastian’s POV. I think in his head, he would think that being with Amaya would make him better, make him perfect (or closer to it). “help me become somebody else” which is basically Sebastian’s mantra through the series)
Chapter Thirty-Six
I am not a woman, I’m a god – Halsey
I am not a woman, I'm a God
(Amaya accepts her power. She is more than a mere human/fae)
I am not a martyr, I'm a problem
(Society wants her to be a martyr, wants her pure morality. She’s a problem to be fixed)
I am not a legend, I'm a fraud
(Society calls women liars, takes their voice, their power, and tells them to stay small or they’ll be torn down.)
Keep your heart, 'cause I already got one
(You can keep your morality doctrine. Amaya’s already got new rules that she is living by—her own.)
Chapter Thirty-Seven
None
Chapter Thirty-Eight
Mask – Memory of a Melody
Your blackened heart is your present shame
Blackened by a past of misery and pain
(Bash’s memories have tainted his heart)
I paint a smile upon your face not knowing that you're just a
Pale face white as ghost
Like the sky in your eyes
Lips sketched with my blood
It's burning my flesh
Am I in denial
As I paste on my smile
Soon your mask will fall
It's clipped by a thread
(Shadow Bash talking to Sebastian talking to Shadow Bash—an inner dialogue. Basically Shadow Bash is his mask? Or the Sebastian of before is his mask? The voice that he kept saying was foreign in his head? That voice was really him. He never died. He was never two people. And now the mask has fallen. He loses control again)
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Stay – Payale Royale
(Amaya & Bash to one another)
I am the only hope for you
You are the only hope for me too
I just wanted you
I just wanted you
I am the only hope for you
You are the only hope for me too
I just, I just wanted you
So stay this time
Don't go away
Don't go away
Don't go away
So stay
This time
This time
Chapter Forty
None
Chapter Forty-One
What I’ve Done – Linkin Park
(Pretty sure that Sebastian is Edward Cullen from Twilight and Rhysand from ACOTAR all mish-mashed together.)
So let mercy come and wash away
What I've done
I'll face myself
To cross out what I've become
Erase myself
And let go of what I've done
Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty
(Only when Sebastian faces himself, his whole self, to see the pain he caused others and himself can he let go of what he’s done. Can he start to give himself the forgiveness he needs to move on)
Chapter Forty-Two
Scotland – The Lumineers
(If you didn’t know, Sebastian got his name because I was (am?) obsessed with the CW tv show Reign. And the prince’s brother is named Bash which is short for Sebastian. I said I was going to name my kid that, but I’m not having kids, so I named my love interest instead XD LOL—which is to say this is the theme song of Reign and it always evoked magic and mystery for me which reminded me of the world that Adriana lives on. So this is more vibes than lyrics)
Chapter Forty-Three
Nowhere to Go – Bad Omens
Why's this always gotta happen to me? I should have known
I never fail to never learn from mistakes, still throwing stones
Blood signed, we made it a pact
Yours dried out, you took it back
(Bash’s POV to Kai)
And you know you are a paradox and you contradict
The road you walk, everything that you ever did
Cutting into my code
Erasing everything I know
(Kai has been able to erase anything and everything that Sebastian could have ever thought about himself and made it into what Kai needed it to be)
Hear me out, I'm sorry, but I'm a little less than sold
I've been around, heard all the stories you said you never told
You're used to speaking in tongues to feel like you're in control
Now you've got nowhere to run, now you've got nowhere to go
Tell me what's mine and tell me what's yours
Why I never got a say, never got a choice?
Tell me what's mine and tell me what's yours
(Sebastian is finally realizing that his pain and suffering was at the hands of the Darkyra Deity. That he didn’t have to continue to beat himself up.)
Why I never got a say, never got a choice?
Tell me what's mine and tell me what's yours
Why I never got a say, never got a choice?
Tell me what's mine and tell me what's yours
And why I never ever got a fucking say? Oh
Are you ready?
I'm in the driver's seat now
(Now he’s seizing his own power. Integrated with his shadow, with himself.)
Chapter Forty-Four
New Way Out – Poppy
I'm in too deep, I make believe
I know the demons always choose me
They shift and twist, push back again
They're always trying to consume me
I cannot let it in, they'll take my everything
Leave me nothing, I've lost all feeling
No, I don't want to bend to my own loneliness
I'll scream 'til nothing's left, on and on
'Cause they push and pull me down
And I'm forced to face the who I've become
The silent scream so loud
I caught myself before the bottom
I need a new way, give me a new way (out)
(Amaya’s final look at herself. At everything she’s done and who she’s become. The shadows from below. The light from above. Who is she? What side does she choose? Her soul is not more dark than light. She’s grey. She’s the in between. She has the power to choose. That is the new way out. It’s realizing you have the power to choose your thoughts.)
Chapter Forty-Five
Autotheist – Baby Bugs
(Amaya to Kai. They aren’t their god. Luna or Saul aren’t the ultimate authority. Amaya is her own God.)
And dear god up in heaven
Who do you really let in?
I pray that it's not me
I'd rather die than be with you
And if I was god, I'd kill the people who believe in me
And if I was god, I'd make everybody bow to me
And who says that I'm not a god?
I am god to me
And if I was god, I'd make you all believe in me
Chapter Forty-Six
Silver And Cold – AFI
(Amaya & Sebastian will hold each other’s sins. The ultimate expression of unconditional love. Holding all the darkness and sins and dirtiness of another’s soul and seeing beauty in them.)
I, I came here by day, but I left here in darkness
And found you, found you on the way
Now, it is silver and silent, it is silver and cold
You, in somber resplendence, I hold
Your sins into me
Oh, my beautiful one
Your sins into me, oh
As a rapturous voice escapes, I will tremble a prayer
And I'll beg for forgiveness
Your sins into me (your sins into me)
Oh, my beautiful one
Chapter Forty-Seven
Follow You – Bring Me The Horizon
I Will Follow You Into The Dark – Death Cab for Cutie
(Both of these songs were in the Playlist for Descend into the Void. It is the love songs for Amaya and Bash. For their proposals to one another)
Chapter Forty-Eight
Cinnamon – GUNNAR
(What the heck are the chances that I make Amaya taste Sebastian’s lust as cinnamon and there is a love song about that very thing? Ahhh. The synchronicity.)
Oh-oh, I want your cinnamon hips
And the taste of your lips on mine
Oh-oh-oh-oh, and I'm losing my grip 'cause I just can't resist
Your cinnamon
Chapter Forty-Nine
None
Chapter Fifty
Hellfire – Barns Courtney
(This song again, just FEELS like Nico. Also FIRE.)
Chapter Fifty-One
None
Chapter Fifty-Two
The Hell I Overcame – Bad Omens
(This is another one of the songs that was first on the playlist. I knew that after Descending into the Void, they’d have a moment where they’d have their final face-off and this would be the backdrop.)
Oh, did you really think the pain
Would send me to an early grave?
Did you think I couldn't break these chains
After all the hell I overcame?
Chapter Fifty-Three
Liberate Me II – DYLYN, BRKN LOVE
(Amaya and Sebastian are done living with shame of their feelings, their actions, and who they are. Finally liberated.)
Cause I’m done with the sickness, done with the shame
Done with the business of living in pain
Liberate me, liberate me
Liberate me, liberate me
Done with the nightmare, living the dream
Done with the violence, living in peace
Chapter Fifty-Four
None
Chapter Fifty-Five
Kings & Queens – Ava Max
(Heard this song and this chapter took shape. I wanted something cute and powerful and bad ass and just the girls being happy together)
Disobey me, then baby, it's off with your head
Gonna change it and make it a world you won't forget, oh-oh, oh
No damsel in distress, don't need to save me
Once I start breathin' fire, you can't tame me
And you might think I'm weak without a sword
But I'm stronger than I ever was before
Epilogue One
All Comes Crashing – Metric
For all I know
This might be my last night
If that's how it goes, there's no one
I would rather be lying beside
If all we knew
Came crashing down tonight
I'd be with you, and there's no one
I would rather be dying beside
(This song came after the chapter was written, but I knew when I finished the last sentence about Sebastian choosing to remember his friends, his family, and Amaya when the waves came crashing in. I heard this song in my head. It was perfect)
Epilogue Two
Let You Down – Sleeping with Sirens, Charlotte Sands
(Heard this song in early 2024 while on the way to a yoga class. This is Sebastian & Amaya. Even when they fought. Even when they misunderstood one another.)
I'm not gonna let you down
I'm not gonna let you fade away another day
Don't run away, run away (run)
(The synchronicity of this! Sebastian says he “fades away” in chapter five after he gives up to his shadow. And he’s always been a bit of a runner.)
I would never turn my back on you
For you, I'd always be true
I know that you've been hurt before and
You hide your face with your disguise
'Cause someone filled your head with lies
But you don't have to worry this time
No, you don't have to worry
(Sebastian always told Amaya she didn’t have to hide her feelings. And in this book Amaya doesn’t turn her back on Sebastian (yes, at first she is confused and grieving when Shadow Bash takes over, but even then, she doesn’t leave him. She just takes a day to process and figure it out. She is always there for him.)
You don't see what I see when you look at yourself
Wish you were someone else
I can see the pain behind those eyes
Don't get caught up in the lies
And don't tell me that this isn't real
I've never felt the way you make me feel
So I'm not letting you go
No, I'm not letting you go
(Sebastian is constantly afraid of not being enough, even as his shadow self, but Amaya sees his pain and tries to be there for him. To show her acceptance by not pushing him, by being there, by loving him in quiet ways, by reaffirming her love.)
Conclusion
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If you liked this, you might like my chapter-by-chapter narrative analysis.